Considering Separation? Initiating the Divorce Discussion
Every relationship is unique, and discussing separation is a deeply personal matter. However, it may be helpful to highlight some key considerations when preparing to discuss separation with your partner.
Safety is paramount. In certain relationships, the risk of violence increases at the moment of ending the relationship. If you have any concerns about your safety when bringing up the topic of separation, we strongly recommend scheduling an individual consultation to discuss your concerns (ensuring that booking the appointment itself does not put you at risk). During such a consultation, you can develop a practical plan to ensure that you and your children are in a safe place with access to support.
Discussing separation is inherently difficult, especially if it comes as a surprise to your partner. Some couples find that attending relationship therapy and addressing their issues together can ease the transition into separation. Therapy provides a space to understand each other’s feelings about the relationship and supports the grieving process.
Timing is crucial. Although it may seem there is never a perfect moment, consider these factors:
- Schedule a specific time for the conversation, giving your partner advance notice rather than bringing it up spontaneously.
- Choose a supportive time—not just before bed or before one of you has to leave for work.
- Arrange for someone else to look after your children so you can focus on each other.
- Have a plan for what will happen afterward.
Tone is also important. Aim for a conversation that minimizes defensiveness. Avoid listing all the problems you’ve had with your partner, as this can make them defensive and hinder their ability to understand your perspective. Instead, describe the issues from your own experience without blaming. While it’s important to express any anger or disappointment, remember that if the news is unexpected, your partner can only absorb so much information initially.
Practicalities vs. emotions. You might feel ready to discuss the practical aspects of separation immediately, having had time to emotionally prepare. However, your partner may be more focused on processing their emotions and may not be ready to handle practical considerations.
For both the person initiating the divorce and the one receiving the news, it can be very beneficial to prepare for how the conversation will unfold. We often work with individuals contemplating or considering divorce to help them prepare for this significant life transition and support them in handling it effectively within the relationship.
Ultimately, this is not just a single conversation. Expressing the desire for a divorce might be the first time it’s verbalized, but it often reflects years of contemplation. The ensuing process—both legal and psychological—will require support for both partners to navigate the implications of the separation.
How we can help?
Mackenzie & Co Solicitors are here to provide you with all the advice and information you need to obtain during this difficult time. Our professional expertise will guide you throughout the process to ensure a swift divorce procedure is adopted and completed. We can be reached by email at info@mackenzieco.co.uk or if you prefer, by telephone, at 020 8569 6289.